Pippa Seed Blog | Harrogate Life Coach | Personal Coach

Are you one of many people who are facing redundancy?

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 17:10:00 GMT

How are you feeling? Angry? Sad? Grief for your job? That you have lost some of yourself? That you weren’t good enough? Shocked that you weren’t indispensable? Excited to start a new chapter? Relieved to have a reason to get out of a job you didn’t enjoy?

Redundancy can evoke many different emotions for people. Hearing that you are being made redundant can be a shock …even if you had thoughts that it was on the cards. Often, people take the news as personal. But redundancy is about the job itself not the person doing the job. The position becomes redundant and therefore the person doing the job is no longer needed. This can be difficult news to hear, particularly if we feel we have worked hard, contributed much and we loved doing the job.

These are very unusual, challenging and uncertain times and many businesses, of all sizes, are finding their revenue has fallen significantly and for some, completely. Difficult, sometimes heart-breaking decisions are having to be made – not from choice but necessity.

How can we help ourselves and each other to maintain a realistic optimism in these times?

It is so important to interpret redundancy as ‘losing our job because the job no longer exists’ rather than ‘we are no longer needed’. It isn’t about individual people but about the viability of a role in a workplace.

Some people gain a lot of pleasure, reward, purpose, enjoyable challenge, healthy competition, companionship, camaraderie and connection from their work and/or workplace and redundancy can mean a loss of these things and it is important to acknowledge what you miss so you find those things elsewhere.

A carved pumpkin is made redundant on the 1st November but contains many seeds for regeneration.

Ultimately my message is that redundancy is not personal so avoid thinking of it that way because it can erode self-esteem unnecessarily and with no benefit.

Take the time to consider your next chapter and embrace it with excitement – sometimes, new growth, greater happiness and alot of good comes from forced change – use your energy to look forward, not backwards x

Are you experiencing more vivid or disturbing dreams than usual?

Mon, 27 Apr 2020 18:48:00 GMT

The changes to lifestyle brought about Covid-19 seem to have many people on a bit of a rollercoaster of thoughts.

As human beings we all need some certainty to feel a level of safety without which, it is difficult to relax (the level varies from person to person and the areas of life in which we need certainty varies too). And we may experience fear.

Currently there is a lot of uncertainty around us and much less certainty than most of us are used to. We may be adapting but many people seem to be experiencing days of coping and days of coping less well.

With this lack of certainty comes, for many, an increased level of anxiety. It may not be specific anxiety about one thing (though it could be), but more a feeling of low-level anxiety about many things which cumulatively may cause a sometimes-unrecognised high level of general anxiety. This anxiety may then be passed around as we speak to each other, watch reports and read news articles reinforcing our anxiety.

In ‘normal times’ we would probably have many distractions from our thoughts; busy jobs, errands to do, our children’s schedules and demand to meet, meeting friends, etc., but currently, many people have less distractions and more time spent with their own thoughts, many of which may have an element of anxiety and/or fear.

In addition, ‘normally’ we have things we do that ease stress and anxiety like going to the gym, to events, following our hobbies, going to the cinema etc.- all of which are currently not possible to do and as a result, anxiety may be rising.

Many people are experiencing disturbed sleep and more vivid, sometimes disturbing dreams which is possibly the consequence of our lack of certainty and the anxiety the uncertainty may be causing, even if we are not fully aware of how much it is doing so.

So, what can we do to break a pattern of disturbed sleep and rising anxiety?

Firstly, put some certainty in your life. You can do this by making a daily, weekly and monthly plan and then following it. You then create certainty of how your days will be which can be calming for our subconscious.

Schedule in to your days/weeks things such as work, exercise, food, learning, things you enjoy watching, phone calls, DIY and anything else you want to put into your days and weeks -and then stick to your schedule as much as possible.

Next, write down all the things you feel anxious about and write down the evidence you have that the anxiety is valid. If you do not have actual evidence that it is valid, remove it from your ‘anxious list’.

Stop giving time to your anxious thoughts and start giving time to think about all the ways you are safe. Write as many as you can, condense them onto a ‘post it’ size note and put copies in prominent places such as near the kettle, the loo, the fridge … anywhere you will read it often during the day. This will help to retrain your mind to ‘think safe’ rather than ‘think anxiety’.

Next, tell yourself you are going to sleep well… most people’s thoughts can become habitual without us being aware. We may feel anxious about something and then we look or notice every bit of information about it and can completely miss other information because we have stopped looking for it. We can change our thoughts with a little bit of effort, but we need to train our mind to think about and notice things differently.

We are also particularly good at acting in a way we tell ourselves we will act. If we think we are going to feel nervous about something we will be.

Many years ago now, I went on an ‘explore mind patterns’ weekend, and on the first day we were told we needed to be back the next morning by 8am (the venue was an hour from my house) and we couldn’t set an alarm to wake us up but, instead, we had to visualise setting the alarm and then tell ourselves what time we would wake up. I was sceptical but did it and woke up at 6.15am as I had visualised on my alarm and told myself I would wake up.

I mention this because some people may be telling themselves that they are going to have disturbed dreams and a poor night’s sleep and therefore that is what happens.

If instead, we tell ourselves, as often as possible and determinedly, during the day and before going to bed, that we are going to have a good, calm and deep sleep we will then start doing it. I know this may just sound too easy, but it does work…. but not if we are saying ‘I’m going to get a great sleep tonight …. but I bet I won’t.’

We have much more control over our thoughts than we realise sometimes, and we have choices about how we talk to ourselves and what we tell ourselves. Decide what you want yourself to believe and think and tell yourself those beliefs… and keep reinforcing them so that those become your habitual thoughts replacing the negative ones that were not serving you well.

Wishing you a good night’s sleep, sweet dreams and calm thought days x

Some suggestions for coping with the social isolation and Covid-19

Tue, 24 Mar 2020 13:26:00 GMT

Some suggestions for coping with the social isolation and Covid-19

These really are very challenging times for many people …around us and globally. There are justifiable and real concerns about the physical health of our loved ones, our own health and also concerns about our mental health too.

With social isolation comes the potential for loneliness, a lack of purpose, strained relationships, disappointments of cancelled events, worry about family and friends and many more things that can be harmful to our mental wellbeing.

So, what can we do to give ourselves, and those around us, the best chance of coping well with the current situation?

We can look after our physical health by keeping hydrated, really minimising all but absolutely essential physical contact with others, eating as healthily as we can, getting rest and good sleep and taking some exercise every day ….there are plenty of online resources -for those with access …and for those without online access …get creative! Problem solving gives us a ‘feel good’ reward so finding ways to do beneficial things, when we have limited resources, is doubly beneficial.

Our mental health is as much a part of our overall health as our physical health and this may be really challenged right now. These are a few things I have come across which may be helpful.

One of the challenges we may face is a lack of control over the circumstances we are in and what we can do. Most of us have quite a lot of control in our ‘normal’ lives …where we go, who we see, what we do with our down time -and control brings us some certainty and, in some ways, the feeling of freedom. On this point, I heard Stephen Fry, President of MIND charity, talking on the radio. Stephen Fry lives with bi-polar and has a personal understanding of depression. He suggested that, for those of us who are confined to being at home, making a timetable each day of how you are going to spend the day can give us a feeling of having more control.

What you put into your day is up to you, but some suggestions would be:

Depending on your household situation, you may to chose to do things which everyone can enjoy together.

It can be helpful to let go of trying to have so much control and think of ways to adapt and get the best from the changes we are having to make.

Look for new, and as many, ways of feeling pleasure, personal growth, purpose and connection as you can think of and keep you and those around you, as safe as you can. xx

How do we handle the situation happening in our country, caused by Covid-19?

Sat, 21 Mar 2020 16:24:00 GMT

What seems to be happening is that many people are feeling an increasing level of anxiety.

So, what can we do to cope with feelings of anxiety and, for some, panic?

One thing we can do is to take some control in a situation, in which, we feel many things are beyond our control.

We experience anxiety and panic when we feel fear and uncertainty. However, we can ask “is the fear that some of us are allowing ourselves to feel really justified?” Or, could we be doing things that are heightening a lesser fear?

There is a great deal of uncertainty about how the coming months will look like and what will happen.

There are questions that we don’t know the answers too, such as:

…..and many more….

These are certainly big questions with the potential to adversely affect lives.

Living every day with these questions going around in our heads can cause a great deal of anxiety and stress.

So what can we do? Well, amongst the uncertainty there can be a feeling of not having any control and while we can’t control the spread of a virus…. we CAN take some control of NOW, the next 24 hours …..and after that, the next 24 hours and so on, a day at a time and in doing so, we can calm our escalating fears.

Currently many people are choosing to watch many hours of the 24/7 media coverage which is peppered with worse case scenarios being described to us.

Gosh, on this day last year, had anyone woken up and been bombarded with all the worst case scenarios of what could happen to affect them negatively over the next few months and they had listened to that day after day it would most probably caused a long period of high anxiety which would have been detrimental to both mental and physical health and which would probably have been pointless.

We don’t know if our anxious feelings and fears are justified or not, but we do know that these feelings are not beneficial and there are things we can do to help ourselves in a positive way.

Many of our fears are about things that could possibly happen, rather than real ones and right now, for many people, these thoughts are destroying the chance of enjoying that day.

In summary, we can choose to feed our fear, or we can choose to see ways of enjoying our day as much as possible and helping those around us to do the same. Both options use our energy but one has the outcome of raising our stress, which is damaging to both our physical and mental health and the second calms our stress by giving us some control over the day and also results in the release of feel good chemicals which protect our mental and physical health.

Instead of seeing the negatives of what we can’t do, we can look for the positives and enjoyable things we can do. It does take discipline to choose to fill our heads with positive thoughts but the results are definitely worth the effort.

Better ways to handle conflicts and issues within a relationship

Wed, 26 Jun 2019 17:25:00 GMT

All relationships have conflict or differences of opinion at some time …it is healthy to do so and to maintain some of our individuality. However, the way we react and handle those times can make a huge difference to the health of a relationship.

Ideally, both parties would listen calmly and respectfully to each other’s opinions, interpretations and feelings and then both parties would be generous and kind in trying to work out a mutually agreeable resolution or compromise.

Hmmm…..

It seems that it doesn’t work that way in many relationships

A more likely scenario may be that one person communicates that they are not happy with something, the other person is defensive and the situation escalates …possibly bringing in all sorts of irrelevant stuff …many times this is a consequence of frustration that they aren’t being listened to and their feelings aren’t being acknowledged.

A simple example scenario

A couple have arranged to go for dinner on Wednesday evening and on the Monday before, one person mentions that they can’t make it as he/she is having to work. The other person is really disappointed as he/she was really looking forward to it and says just that. Person 1 says he/she can’t help it and his/her job is important in providing income for their home. Person 2 responds saying he/she understands that but still feels really disappointed. Person 1 says he/she doesn’t have a choice and that Person 2 should be more understanding and stop being so self-centred. Person 1 is now feeling frustrated that his/her feeling are not being acknowledges and now he/she is being accused of being self-centred

….both parties feel disconnected from each other and this communication could easily deteriorate in to an even more negative exchange as frustration rises and each party reaches an emotionally heightened state.

Person 2 was expressing that he/she felt disappointed with the change of circumstance. It is likely that he/she knew there was no reasonable way around the change. Person 1 wasn’t listening to understand but was instead, listening to calculate how to qualify the situation and defend him/herself. Person 2 felt misunderstood and that his/her feelings were not being acknowledged.

If, after Person 2 had expressed his/her disappointment of the change of plan, Person 1, hearing what was being expressed, has responded by saying he/she understood their feeling of disappointment and that they too were disappointed, the couple would have stayed connected and likely to have calmly gone on to make a new plan.

A great deal of over escalated conflict in relationships seems to arise when one person is not being listened to …properly listened to. It is only when we listen to what is actually being said that we are able to respond in an understanding way …….and it is that understanding that maintains and enhances connection.

Do you feel emotions strongly? Do you often feel misunderstood?

Wed, 06 Mar 2019 20:23:00 GMT

Do you seem to be aware of subtleties around you? Maybe you are the 15- 20% of people who are highly sensitive people… Wikipedia states “People with an increased sensitivity of the central nervous system and a deeper cognitive processing of physical, social and emotion stimuli have a personality trait termed highly sensitive person [...]

Do you want more confidence, self worth and resilience?

Sun, 02 Dec 2018 14:57:00 GMT

Are you your No 1 fan?

Or do other people’s opinion of you count more to you?

The second option can potentially be a route to diminished self-worth.

Why is this?

Well, we all have values that are important to us and the combination of important values varies for each person …so someone else’s opinion of you is judged on their values and not yours.

For example; if wealth isn’t one of your values and purpose is one of your top values, you may have chosen a career that gives you lots of purpose, but your earnings may not be high. A friend, partner or family member who has wealth as their top value and a large pay packet may see you (and possibly treat you) as inferior to them. If you are forming your opinion of yourself on their judgement this is not going to feel good and you may even form a belief that you are inferior to them.

As individuals, most of us take quite a bit of time and consideration deciding what is important to us, what fulfils us and what gives us pleasure, how we treat people and how we want to be treated …. what makes us happy. This consideration may not be at a very conscious level. Over years, our experiences help us to form such things: we experience feelings we enjoy and things we really didn’t enjoy and work out how those happened and how we can have those feelings again or avoid them. Gradually we become, or aim to be, the person we want to be with a set of values which are important to us and personality traits we like. Because we all have individual journeys and experiences, we all have a different combination of important values.

However, most of us don’t give time to reflect on our own opinion of ourselves and our most important values and personality traits we admire in ourselves. We may, however, notice that we feel more connection to people who share our values.

Giving time to what you think of yourself, to acknowledge your values and work towards fulfilling those can give you a great sense of self ….an appreciation and admiration for who you are and how you have chosen to be …and allows for some tweaking if there are things you would like to do differently. You can become your No 1 fan. This can give great stability and resilience when others give unwanted judgements -based on their values. It can also greatly increase confidence. It also removes the need for other people’s positive feedback about us and enables us to feel more self-assured and able to enjoy the journey of being ourselves.

If you feel you would benefit from working with a life coach, please get in touch.

info@pippaseed.co.uk

Are Your Relationships Thriving?

Tue, 06 Nov 2018 12:14:00 GMT

I recently came across a post I really liked….

Which got me thinking….

I love using analogies to explain things and in writing this piece decided to look up the actual definition of an analogy to check I had it right and this is what came up on Google

a comparison between one thing and another, typically for the purpose of explanation or clarification.

“an analogy between the workings of nature and those of human societies”

Which is perfect as, for many years, I have enjoyed the analogy that our relationships are very much like plants. I believe that we need to feed our relationships, to enable them to grow and flourish and that those we neglect may wilt and possibly even die. It helps me to give priority to relationships that give me pleasure or fulfilment -or both. It also gives me pleasure to feed the beautiful relationships I enjoy having in my life.

Of course, different relationships have different needs to keep them healthy and strong. Some of our relationships are well established and have well developed and deep roots and are less in need of constant tending. Others are in the early stages of growth and need more looking after.

Different relationships are like different plants we may have been growing in the garden. Some, given the conditions they need, flourish in to great beauty and give us great pleasure. Others may have become overgrown, some possibly even suffocating other relationships we would like space for in our lives. It may be helpful to cut these back or even remove them all together. Other relationships may be like seedlings which, we want to take care of them as we believe they will grow in to beautiful things.

Like plants, different relationships need different conditions and ‘food’ and for relationships to grow and flourish we need to take the time to learn what those are.

Autumn could be a great time to think about the relationships in our lives -our family, friends, work and intimate relationships and, if necessary, do a bit of seasonal pruning and replanting so that our lives feel more colourful and beautiful.

Coping with Christmas

Thu, 01 Nov 2018 13:30:00 GMT

'Ho Ho Ho' or 'No No No'? Christmas is coming and the goose is getting fat. For many people, Christmas is a time of great joy, with plenty of Ho Ho Ho! For many others, it is a time of dread: a time of No No No! There are the TV ads portraying jolly [...]

Do you feel fulfilled?

Thu, 11 Oct 2018 19:51:00 GMT

Or do you feel that something is missing?

The answer often depends on whether …and how often, we choose to stay in our Comfort Zone or whether to take a challenge and Grow.

Most people need to be achieving personal growth in some way in order to feel fulfilment …..but how often do we shy away from doing things that are outside of our Comfort Zone?

Maybe, with or without justification, we listen to our inner voice that is trying to keep us safe by encouraging us to avoid doing things which may have an element of risk of failure or rejection. That inner voice plants a seed of doubt about our capability “I don’t think I can do that?” “Maybe I won’t be very good at that” “I may make a fool of myself” which leads on to “I won’t try that”.

Recently, someone close to me, was presented with a great opportunity which she almost turned down. The inner voice was saying “you can’t do that” and this was building so much self-doubt that she almost didn’t take the opportunity. But she did ….and enjoyed it and excelled ….and grew. Her self-esteem and self-belief got a big boost and her confidence in her own abilities grew.

It is a bit of a spiral -up or down! The less we step out of our comfort zone the more our self-doubt gains weight and the more often we edge ourselves out of our comfort zone and take a challenge the more our self-confidence and self-esteem grow ….even if we fail at a task or face rejection …we still gain more inner confidence from having had the courage to try things we were unsure about.

Staying ‘safe’ comes at a price …….it may be growth, confidence, fulfilment, joy, the sense of achievement, love, fun or happiness. Sometimes, taking a challenge or a risk leads us on to a new more rewarding and fulfilling path.

Do you have a challenging teenager?

Thu, 09 Aug 2018 18:17:00 GMT

Do you have a challenging teenager? Do you have a very, very challenging teenager who you are watching make decisions that are damaging to him or her and whatever approach you take to try and encourage them on to a better path, nothing seems to be working? It can be the most testing, stressful, [...]

Do your brain’s predictions help or hinder you?

Mon, 30 Jul 2018 15:49:00 GMT

I recently read a very interesting article by Dr Lisa Feldman Barrett, a psychologist and neuroscientist and author of How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life Of The Brain. After discussion of research around the subject of how emotions are made, she states that, as many may know, your brain’s primary function is to [...]

Are you following your path to happiness and fulfilment?

Thu, 14 Jun 2018 18:34:00 GMT

Are you doing what you want with your life?

Are you following your path to happiness and fulfilment?

If the answer is “no” and you ask yourself “why not” then your likely answer has some fear attached…. is it be a fear of failure? …or fear of the consequences of change? …. or the fear of being rejected? ……. or the fear of making a wrong decision? ……or a fear of losing something or someone you value?

To help to counter fear it can be helpful to ‘talk back’ to ourselves about the fear we may be overlooking or ignoring by not doing things differently: this may be the fear of limiting our progress …. or the fear of not finding fulfilment ….or the fear of wasting our talents ….or the fear of missing a great opportunity ……or the fear of remaining unhappy.

Spending some time considering what we may be losing or missing by avoiding our prominent fear can give us courage and drive to make changes …rather than looking back several years later with regret that we didn’t act and find greater enjoyment in our lives and move closer to fulfilment.

Working with a Life Coach can really help to challenge fears and to evaluate the best path to happiness, enjoyment and fulfilment. If you would like more information or an informal chat, please get in touch by calling 07708238929 or visit my website.

How to protect yourself from criticism.

Thu, 31 May 2018 16:40:00 GMT

Do you feel sensitive to criticism? Do you sometimes find yourself needing to justify and defend against someone’s unfair criticism? Some people seem to like making critical judgements of others, often with no grounds to do so. Perhaps it makes them feel better about themselves or maybe they get some sort of pleasure from [...]

How can a Life Coach help you to have a better life?

Mon, 30 Apr 2018 11:00:00 GMT

Do you go to a Hairdresser when your hair needs cutting? Employ a Decorator when your house needs painting? Do you consult a Doctor if you feel unwell?

When your life doesn’t feel like you want it to feel, would you consult a Life Coach?

Some people are familiar with what working with a coach is like while others may not really have much idea the following is a precis: a Life Coach would work with you to identify what you need in your life for life to feel great and then help you have those things in your life. We are all unique and what we need in our lives to enable us to feel great and fulfilled varies greatly – it depends on your own values and how you prioritise those values. Working with a good Coach can drastically change how your life feels and is, for the better.

As part of my own personal development, I have just returned from Tony Robbins UPW seminar in London -for me, a phenomenal 4 days listening to an exceptional Life Coach. A highly inspirational man who works with some of the world’s most successful and famous – he has a waiting list of 2 years!

Why would someone already successful seek a coach? …. because they want to get better and keep growing. Yet others see seeking the help of a coach as admitting a weakness. I facilitate the MHFA Youth First Aid course, in which we discuss the stigma of seeking help for our emotional ill health -which is a great shame and really does get in the way of recovery.

Do we expect to understand ourselves completely, feel motivated all the time, know our direction/focus, overshadow the negative self-talk we may do, know how we can achieve personal fulfilment and be able to overcome obstacles that are in the way of that fulfilment? That’s a pretty big expectation.

If you feel unfulfilled, particularly if you think you have a life that should feel fulfilling, need direction and focus, feel overwhelmed by choices, demands or perceived limitations of life then give me a call. I offer a free 20-minute phone chat to see if working with a coach is for you. You deserve a great life.

Does your life look like what you want it to?

Thu, 26 Apr 2018 15:13:00 GMT

It looks how you choose to see it. And what you see depends on what you choose to focus on. Have you ever played that game while on a car journey when you look out for a particular colour of car, say, yellow. You focus on seeking out the yellow car, seeing any that appear in [...]

Do you want to be able to discuss things better in your relationship?

Sun, 18 Mar 2018 19:30:00 GMT

Do you wonder how a fairly low key relationship ‘discussion’ can sometimes escalate in to a major issue? You mention something to your partner that isn’t feeling so good for you within the relationship, you could be a bit fed up with doing most of the cooking and 20 minutes later, what you hoped [...]

An Insight for Eating Disorder Awareness Week 26th February -4th March

Mon, 26 Feb 2018 09:53:00 GMT

People with disordered eating are frequently misunderstood. The control or unhealthy use of food and weight management are coping mechanisms. These coping mechanisms can be very effective in helping the person to survive their emotional trauma or anguish. There are negative consequences, which can (when extreme) threaten their life. This is very frightening for everyone: [...]

Random Acts of Kindness Day, 17th February

Sat, 17 Feb 2018 11:04:00 GMT

Random Acts of Kindness Day is today

It seems to be a growing trend that more people are looking for what they can get or take from life. We live very in a consumer society where we are encouraged to have more and more material things, get a great deal and buy 1 get 1 free. Do these deals and purchases really improve our happiness? Maybe for a short while …and then we feel a need for the next one.

There is lots of evidence that doing a random act of kindness for someone often brings more inward pleasure to the ‘giver’ than to the reciever. Giving of ourselves, thinking of others (and obviously, acting upon the thoughts) and offering kindness, boosts are valuation of our self …which can be a tricky thing to achieve.

As parents, how can we prepare our children for the work place?

Mon, 12 Feb 2018 09:55:00 GMT

As parents how can we prepare our children for the workplace? Qualifications seem to be a big focus but what are the qualities of a great employee? I’m sure the question will prompt a variety of answers and indeed different employees value different qualities.

Honestly, reliability, good communication skills, hardworking are basic traits in an employee that most employers seek and these are qualities that are developed early in life -hopefully, starting in the home and being reinforced in school.

There are other qualities that also seem to be appreciated by the majority of employers such as initiative, resourcefulness, confidence, common sense and the ability to problem solve. These skills also start to develop from a young age -if parents create the opportunities.

The consequence of this unsupervised time was that children had to be resourceful, had to use their initiative when faced with a problem or challenge, had to carry out their own risk assessments and make their own decisions. They learned a great deal from the consequences. This learning helped to develop confidence, independence and self-belief.

It is often quicker and, in some ways, safer for adults to take the responsibility for all of these elements but if parents create opportunities for these skills to develop the benefits will be felt by both the employee and employer when their child is ready to enter the workplace.

Pippa Seed Life Coach and Positive Parent Course Facilitator

Does the health of your gut affect your mental health?

Wed, 31 Jan 2018 12:11:00 GMT

Today, whilst tackling an overflowing basket of ironing, I decided to watch Charlotte Church: Inside My Brain on iPlayer. Mental health is one of my passions and a subject I am always keen to know more about. In the programme, there is an investigation in to how some antidepressants, known as SSRI’s -Selective Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitor, work. It is believed that Serotonin plays a big part in regulating our moods and emotions and in a healthy brain there is enough Serotonin to maintain a balanced mental state but when Serotonin levels fall too low, this can manifest in depression, anxiety and other illnesses. SSRI’s work by keeping what Serotonin is in the brain, in play for longer. The programme also highlights that scientists don’t know what part of the brain controls Serotonin.

This brings me to the gut and a most fascinating, factual and informative book by Guilia Enders called Gut, which is a very in depth look at many aspects of our digestive system. The book evidences that our gut possesses the same neural receptors as the brain in our head and that it can be referred to as our ‘gut brain’. Enders prompts the concept that the link between the brain and the gut has been long known and the phrases ‘scared s**tless, ‘pooing our pants with fear’, ‘digesting our thoughts’ and ‘gut feelings’ are common language that has been linking our gut with our emotions for years. Enders goes so far as to say that scientists are cautiously questioning whether the brain is the sole ruler of the body.

A couple of years ago, for my own personal development, I attended a workshop, held at the Institute of Psychology in London, run by a Professor of Neuroscience which, aimed specifically for Life Coaches, discussed the neuroscience behind habitual behaviour. During the lunch break, fascinated by the questions Guilia Enders’ Gut book had raised for me, I asked the Professor what she thought of the concept of the ‘gut brain’. Her response was, that although much research was still to be done, the evidence was definitely increasing.

Enders also investigates the effects of antidepressants on the gut and finds that, as the gut contains the same neural receptors as the brain in our head, antidepressants automatically effect both brains. She also states that an American researcher, Dr Michael Gershon is interested in the possibility of developing effective antidepressants that only influence the gut and do not have an effect on the brain. This precedes the amazing acknowledgement that 95% of the Serotonin we produce is manufactured in the cells of our gut.

So here is the evidence for anyone who suffers from anxiety or depression, that an unhappy gut can be the cause of an unhappy mind. Looking after our gut health can be an effective way to look after our mental health.

How can parents help to build their child’s self-esteem?

Wed, 31 Jan 2018 11:27:00 GMT

In many areas, young people’s lives are improving, yet there is evidence of a growing mental health crisis amongst teens. Rates of anxiety and depression have increased by 70% in the past 25 years. According to the Office of Official Statistics, the number of young suicides each year is greater than it has been [...]

What are the most important elements you want to have in your life?

Mon, 22 Jan 2018 09:46:00 GMT

Most people can answer this question quite easily: love, fulfilment, satisfaction, contentment, friendship, purpose, peace, excitement, fun, security, financial security. Some of these may be on your list or you may have others. There are lots of elements to choose from and it is highly individual. To spend a little time considering what you [...]

Reduced Stress, Healthier Brain… and a New Hat?

Wed, 03 Jan 2018 17:17:00 GMT

I recently saw a book entitled ‘Rushing Woman’s Syndrome’. It caught my eye as I dashed through a book shop, carrying over filled bags of Christmas shopping (economising on bags now they are 5p each), frustrated that only half my list of errands were ticked off due to the extra time taken up by [...]

Are you looking for greater fulfilment in 2018?

Mon, 01 Jan 2018 21:12:00 GMT

So here we are at the beginning of another new year. Whether you are wondering where the last one went, reflecting that 2017 was a good one or reflecting that 2017 had some tough challenges, a new year is traditionally a time to create new resolutions and decide to change things for the better. [...]

21st Century Parenting: Is it too protective?

Mon, 11 Dec 2017 11:05:00 GMT

21st Century Parenting. Is it a factor in the mental health crisis among young people? Parenting today is pretty demanding. Well, life generally is pretty demanding. There seems to be a lot of rushing and pressure to be productive and to fill our time with stimulating, challenging and exciting things. Whatever happened to boredom [...]

The Minefield of Parenting Today

Thu, 23 Nov 2017 16:15:00 GMT

Parenting today seems, for many, to be loaded with pressure. As does ‘growing up’. Time is pressured, there is pressure to be a ‘successful’ parent, a pressure to ensure our children ‘succeed’, a pressure to help out financially, a pressure to accept very different values to our own about things such as alcohol, spending, drugs, [...]

Rates of depression and anxiety among teenagers have increased by 70% in the past 25 years. Why?

Mon, 13 Nov 2017 17:50:00 GMT

Whilst doing some of the research for a course I am running, I came across an article in the Independent stating the following statistic “rates of depression and anxiety among teenagers have increased by 70% in the past 25 years” Although I work with a good awareness of emotional health, I found this [...]

Do you think it’s bad that I did that? Self-esteem improvement.

Tue, 31 Oct 2017 09:44:00 GMT

The answer is ‘do you think it’s bad that you did that?’ We are usually our own harshest critics and judge, especially if we are sensitive people. As human beings with emotions and sensitivities we get drawn in to the moment with our own needs and agendas. We end up reacting to other people and sometimes act spontaneously in [...]

Glass half-full or glass half-empty? Optimism is an important skill!

Sat, 28 Oct 2017 11:36:00 GMT

Some may say, whichever it is, it clearly needs topping up! Optimism and pessimism are states of mind. We have learned to be whichever we are by our own experiences, the influence of other people in our lives, and our beliefs. Despite this we can choose to change how we see things by [...]

World Mental Health Day 2017: Mental Health in the Workplace

Tue, 10 Oct 2017 08:32:00 GMT

Today, 10th October, is World Mental Health Day, a day which provides an opportunity for raising awareness of mental health and to progress ways to make mental health care a reality for people worldwide. This year’s theme is ‘Mental Health in the Workplace’. I recently trained to be a Mental Health First Aider for [...]

Is a lack of meaningful interaction making you feel lonely?

Mon, 02 Oct 2017 16:35:00 GMT

In a recent few days away I was exchanging introductions and initial pleasantries with a charming retired gentleman who asked me what I do for a living - "I am a Life Coach," I told him. "Oh," he said, looking slightly blank "what does that involve? There are quite a lot of new things [...]

Macmillan’s ‘Go Sober for October’: Support and Encouragement

Thu, 28 Sep 2017 16:57:00 GMT

Some of us may have decided that an alcohol-free month of October is a challenge or experience we want to try... and for some, the link with making some funds for Macmillan will add incentive. I confess that it's not for me now as I don’t drink much and already have a dwindling tolerance [...]

Flawed or Healthy Attraction?

Mon, 18 Sep 2017 16:09:00 GMT

Are you attracting people into your life who enhance it or drain you?

I am guessing that if it is the latter, then by nature, you are a caring and giving person?

A giving person gets some level of ‘inner glow’ from the giving of themselves to other people.

So it makes sense that you are very attractive to a person who enjoys taking.

Healthy relationships are made when both people enjoy giving to each other and making each other happy and receiving from each other too. This type of relationship has a high chance of being life-enhancing for both people.

However, the relationship made of one ‘giver’ and one ‘taker’ is likely to be destructive in the long term for the ‘giver’? This type of relationship is often a highly magnetic attraction, fuelling strong passions and emotions as the ‘giver’ gets a buzz from their gifts being so well received and the ‘taker’ is thrilled to lap up the gifts they are being given ….a perfect match? …a soul mate feeling? Too good to be true?

The ‘giver’ realises that he/she faces a future of giving but never being given to and either stays in the relationship giving until they are completely depleted of energy and/or self-worth or they step out of the relationship to look for the healthy relationship they deserve but first have to recover from the feeling of being drained and used.

If you recognise yourself as a ‘giver’ then pay attention to your gut feelings, be aware of who you are attracting and remember to value yourself. Everyone has a right as a human being, to have their needs met. Protect yourself and prevent yourself from showering someone with emotional gifts if they have no intention, or ability, to give back.

There are lovely people out there but kind and caring traits do not necessarily attract the same.

Select what you sow, reap a better harvest

Wed, 06 Sep 2017 16:18:00 GMT

Many people find that they get a great feeling when they connect with nature …maybe a long country walk ….spending time in the garden or park …….walking (or lazing) on a beach listening to the sound of the ocean ……we may feel grounded, more fulfilled, exhilarated even

For much of our farming community September time is the beginning of the year with the new sowing about to start and the harvest of the last year being almost gathered in.

I am making some generalisations here but for many of us, the summer months bring a change of routine, maybe a summer holiday, more social gatherings and possibly some time for reflection. How fulfilling and happy was your ‘harvest’? Are you feeling that maybe you need to change what you ‘sow’ so that a better ‘yield’ can be ‘harvested’ next year?

The measure of the level of pleasure we get from our ‘yield’ is personal because we all have different values we seek to fulfil. It can be a useful reflection to make so that we can make changes at the ‘sowing’ stage ….now

If you are reflecting that you would like to do things differently to get a more fulfilling harvest and would like support, motivation and clarity, please give me a call for an initial chat Tel:07708238929

Coping with a Bad Day: What’s Your Strategy?

Wed, 12 Jul 2017 19:53:00 GMT

Having a bad day?

How do YOU cope with a bad day?

We all have them!

Sometimes they come one at a time and sometimes, like buses, they come one after another.

And, of course there is a scale of severity of the distress we feel on bad days. Some bad days can be shrugged off and some really trouble us

So, what do YOU do?

It may be that you open the fridge and reach for the wine or for food. You may go for a gym session or a run to try and empty your head, get away from your feelings and alleviate the stress, anxiety, distress, pain, frustration -or whatever feeling your bad day has caused you to feel. It may be that you opt for a relaxing bath, spend time listening to music, have some time watching TV or gaming which may distract you from your thoughts and feelings. Do you prefer to talk and share with a friend or partner and offload your feelings? Do you retreat and sleep so you can escape?

Whatever it is that helps you to deal with your bad day, it can be helpful to recognise that you have employed some ways of coping and what works best for you -it may be different things on different days for different feelings.

With this awareness, when you do have times when you feel distress, you can take action and do what you need to do to help yourself to get through.

It also helps us to recognise the coping methods of those close to us so we can be more supportive and understanding of their bad days.

Optimism: The Stories We Tell Ourselves

Tue, 27 Jun 2017 19:37:00 GMT

Would you like to feel better and enjoy your life more?

There is a good amount of evidence that shows that optimistic people maintain better health and enjoy life more than pessimistic people.

So, if you are a pessimistic person how do you become an optimist?

Can we learn to be optimistic?

I believe so.

The difference between an optimist and a pessimist is the stories we tell ourselves and our interpretations of events; which in turn cause us to develop beliefs.

Telling ourselves we are great and marvellous and everything will be fine doesn’t seem to have much impact in turning a pessimist to new optimism.

So what does?

It seems that the most effective way is to change our interpretation of things that go wrong – or appear to go wrong – and how we handle adversity.

Here’s a simple example:

You apply for a job you feel you were ideally suited to, yet you get no response, not even an interview.

Pessimistic interpretation: I don’t have good skills and there is no point applying for anything else because I’m not good enough to get a new job.

Optimistic interpretation: Maybe there was an internal candidate or someone with more experience in some areas than me. I will review my CV and also check that my core skills and attributes really shine through, and that I’m going for the jobs that I really want.

The pessimistic approach often involves internalising negative thoughts and self criticism which is frequently not founded whereas the optimistic approach interprets the adverse event with an external explanation and without self criticism.

Changing how we think about and interpret things takes practice but with persistence becomes our natural default.

For some people who may have developed their pessimistic approach a long time ago, this new thinking may take time but it can really help to elevate mood, self esteem, confidence, self worth and health.

Working with a good life coach can help to challenge and support change in thinking patterns. If you’d like a confidential discussion to see if I may be able to help you, please do feel free to contact me today.

Self worth and the different needs of the sexes

Mon, 08 May 2017 07:40:00 GMT

Although this is a shifting attitude, women are most frequently brought up to invest in love and relationships and men are brought up to invest in achievement. It therefore follows that a women assesses her value on how love and the relationships in her life, are going -and a man assesses his self worth on what he is achieving.

By understanding the differing ‘feel good’ needs of men and women and what is behind the consequential actions, could this us be more accurate in the ‘stories’ we tell ourselves? And maybe with this understanding, the sexes can better support each other. Acknowledging the importance of achievement to men and the value a woman places on love and relationships may help people in relationships to get it right for each other.

When we love somebody, do we want them to be their best self and feel as good about themselves as possible? In a healthy relationship, the answer is surely ‘Yes’.

Do you want your children to make good decisions?

Wed, 05 Apr 2017 19:59:00 GMT

Most parents would agree that parenting entails a good amount of worry -which is possibly a slight understatement!

As parents our main job is to keep our children safe -which has it’s challenging moments when the child is young and being supervised by us or a school teacher or grandparent or childminder or similar ….but it is when our children start making a bid for freedom and hanging out with their peers that most parents worry most. We hope that our children will make good decisions for themselves and keep themselves safe and continue to do so as their independence grows.

So, what as parents, can we do to help our children do this?

Probably the two most important things we can do are:

When it comes to helping our children to value themselves it is logical that if they are constantly criticised then they are less likely to feel good about themselves. However, a part of parenting is wanting our children to be a variety of things -which may include ….having good manners, doing well at school/college/their job, taking responsibility for themselves, being kind, doing well at sport/music/etc, the list may be long …..and in comes some stereotypical nagging! Sometimes it can seem that life has become one long nagging session interspersed with more serious issues to address.

One thing that can make a big difference is how you word the focus of what you say: ‘ You are lazy’ ‘I am ashamed of you ’ …the criticism of ‘you’ is pretty harsh and can lead to low self esteem/self worth. Alternatively, ‘ Your behaviour is lazy’ ‘I am shocked by your behaviour -I know you are worth more’ is a criticism focused on the behaviour of the child and not the child him/herself and can be backed up with ‘I love you, you’re a great person but your behaviour is out of order here’ which is much less likely to be destructive.

How do we teach our children to make good decisions?

We can do this by sharing the reasoning we do when we make a decision so that they can learn to bring in reasoning too. ‘Can I go to a party on Saturday?’ ‘No, you can’t’ ‘Why not, everyone else is going’ ‘Because I say so’ ……is probably not a very helpful conversation. If you share the reasoning on which your decision was based ……which may have been …..’No, because I think there may be drinking going on and I don’t want you to be exposed to that because I fear that you may be pressured by your friends to drink and that could make you vulnerable and you could come to harm’. Sharing this doesn’t make the ‘No’ any more welcome but it does a) show you care, b) demonstrate what you have considered, c) highlight some possible dangers your child may not have considered and d) give the opportunity for the child to explain how they would handle themselves.

It isn’t always realistic to voice your reasoning for every decision you make but the more you do -from an early age -the more the child will learn how to reason and make decisions for themselves that will keep them safe. It can be helpful to do this with a positive decision too: ‘Yes, you can go to that party because although there may be the opportunity to drink excessively, I think you will be wise enough not to do that’( ……obviously if that is what you feel!).

Hope this is helpful and supportive -parenting often has really difficult challenges

Please share your comments …..

Do you doubt your own abilities?

Sun, 19 Mar 2017 18:04:00 GMT

Do you limit your own progress?

Do you doubt your own abilities?

Have you put off going for a promotion or applying for a job because you tell yourself you’re not good enough?

These thoughts are known as ‘Limiting Beliefs’.

‘Limiting beliefs’ is a phrase that pops up in a variety of self help and motivational articles these days. So what are they? Where do they come from? And how do we release ourselves from them?

Limiting beliefs are simply the stories we tell ourselves as a result of the information we have come across or the experiences we have had. Often these limiting beliefs hold us back from doing things we would like to do. They may, under closer examination, be justified….or not. “I can’t perform open heart surgery as I haven’t been trained” is a justified limiting belief. “I could never stand up and speak in front of a group of people” may not be an accurate belief. With practice, support and possibly some coaching you may overcome this belief and realise that you can do that.

Most of us have some self limiting beliefs …..personal to us. ” I never have anything interesting to say” may prevent us from joining in social occasions and meeting new people. “I wouldn’t be able to do any other job” may keep us stuck for years in a job we don’t enjoy. “I can’t cook” “I don’t think I have enough experience” “I’m a rubbish parent”….. there are so many possibilities.

Funnily enough, if you were to ask a friend what you are capable of, the likelihood is that they will believe you are capable of more than You think you are.

So how do we form these beliefs? Some may have come from information given to us by a teacher, a parent, a ‘friend’, a partner, a boss or from an experience we have has. We may have been told ‘ you’re not blessed with brains’, ‘ you’re the scatty one’, ‘ you wouldn’t pass that exam’, ‘you’re boring’, ‘don’t bother going for the promotion, you won’t get it’ ….and you believed it …..or you started to. You may have gathered information from your experiences: several unsuccessful job interviews , several relationships that have broken down, failed exams or tests….. which could have been interpreted as “I’m no good at interviews …..or relationships ….or exams” -possibly leading to the formation of limiting beliefs. However, another interpretation could be ” those interviews/ exams/ relationships didn’t go too well for me but I have learned a lot and I’m sure things will work out better in the future”

Information prompts thought …..negative, neutral or positive depending on the story we tell ourself -our interpretation. It’s no surprise that different people tell themselves different stories depending on how they interpret the information and how they are feeling and seeing life at the time. Our brains are primarily focused on our survival and keeping us safe and will try and steer us away from the things we fear …and influence our interpretations.

So how do we change these beliefs so we can release ourselves from the limits they are causing so that we can get on and do the things we want to? The first step is to acknowledge the limiting belief? When you think “I can’t…” about something ……ask yourself “why not?”, “how justified is that belief?” “Is it your belief, or someone else’s belief about you, that you have taken on?” “Does that belief apply to me now or is it something that may have been justified a long time ago but not to who I am now?” “Could you do it with support … or by brushing up your skills?”

It can really help to talk your limiting beliefs through with someone who’s opinion you value and who you trust to show respect to what you are saying. If you don’t want to do that, writing things down can help. Sometimes it is then easier to be objective about what you have written.

The opinion that matters most is the opinion we have of ourselves …not other peoples opinion of us. We are all given individual skills and talents to use to the best of our ability. Some people are great at this and not at that …and others are great at that and not this … this important thing is to be who we are to the best of our ability and not to be fearful and limited by our beliefs of what we are capable of.

Lost in Interpretation?

Sun, 19 Feb 2017 19:25:00 GMT

Will you interpret my words in the way I hope?

And what do I mean?

Do our emotions evolve from our thoughts which, in turn, are based on our interpretations?

I recently watched a box set of The Affair …..with my 23 year old son, which had a few moments bordering on uncomfortable but also prompted a few interesting conversations. If you have watched it, you will know that each episode is made of two parts -the first half is the series of events interpreted through the eyes/mind of the man and the second half is the same series of events interpreted by the woman ….and the two interpretations are very different but have the key events in common.

This prompted the question ‘which one do you think is the ‘real’ one?’ Our conclusion was that each version is the reality to the interpreter. You may have a different interpretation?

In our interactions with each other, we are all having our own individual thoughts which are based on how we interpret those interactions -verbal and non-verbal. This maybe highlights the importance of good communication and the danger of assumption.

Do the people we find easiest to connect with, have the most similar interpretations of our interactions with them, to us? He/she just ‘gets’ me. Are a lot of feuds, arguments and personal/business relationship breakdowns a result of misinterpretation? With better communication would the interpretation of those interactions become more accurate? I believe the answer to those questions is undoubtedly ‘Yes’.

If your interpretation of someone’s words or actions upset you, voicing how you feel creates the opportunity to check if your interpretation was how the someone wanted you to interpret their actions or words. Or you may get a ‘I didn’t mean it like that’.

Creatures of habit

Thu, 16 Feb 2017 15:44:00 GMT

Most of us are creatures of habit but why, and how do we break bad habits?

Humans survive off habitual behaviour to create order in their lives and habit exists across time and society. Some serve us well and some don’t.

There are habits we have that are beneficial to our lives and ones that are negative and destructive and without which, our lives would be better.

A little bit of how the brain works with regard to habits……..

Humans, and some animals, are good at creating behaviour patterns in response to stimuli. These patterns can be the result of conscious thought (when we consider how we want to act) or can become fixed patterns which we react to in response to a trigger …these are known as habits.

When we decide on a course of action, we log whether the outcome of the actions was good or bad. If it was bad, we attempt to remember this so that we don’t repeat the experience ……this doesn’t always happen …. otherwise we would only ever experience one hangover!

However, if the outcome was good, we may repeat the actions again to try to achieve the ‘reward’ feeling again. If the reward is experienced again we note this and may choose to repeat.

A habit is a recurrent, often unconscious pattern of behaviour that is acquired through frequent repetition. Brushing your teeth every morning and night is an example. With this repetition the brain gets so used to it that it stops assessing the reward – and there may no longer be one!

So how do we alter our habits and get rid of the ones that no longer serve us and develop ones that are better for us?

Firstly, it helps to examine the habit you no longer want and try to bring it in to your conscious thought …. this may take time and several attempts. In the brain, the original reward is linked to the actions but as you have decided there is no longer a reward from those actions you need to detach the two. You can then either create a new behaviour which will result in the original reward or create a new behaviour to achieve a new reward. This new behaviour must be repeated until it becomes the new habit. Success at breaking a habit is greater if the old habit is replaced with a new one.

This may sound pretty complicated …….but we are talking about the human brain!

Have you had success changing your habits? How did you do it? Please leave any comments or tips you may have J

If you are having difficulty changing your habits and would like to know more about how to change them or about Life Coaching, please get in touch

Decisions, decisions

Wed, 08 Feb 2017 18:00:00 GMT

Some decisions can be hard to make. Usually the ones when it is difficult to predict the outcome of the decision or when the decision may mean giving up something we are not sure we want to give up.

It may be a job move, a house move, a relationship issue, a parenting issue, a lifestyle change, ….anything really ….and often the more potentially life changing the decision is, the harder it is to make.

Weighing up the positives and negatives may help …..as can listening to our gut feeling about the options.

It can be helpful to write a list of all the positives and negatives of each option and see if one option is stronger than others.

Many people find it helpful to run the options by someone and hear their opinion -preferably someone who can be objective and ask you questions which may help the best option to become clearer.

Sometimes, such a person is hard to find -especially if you have a tight time frame in which to make your decision ….and this is an area in which a Life Coach can be helpful. A Life Coach will be focused on your agenda, be objective and help you to examine the elements of the decision to help you to see the best option.

How to cope with a panic attack

Tue, 24 Jan 2017 16:09:00 GMT

A panic attack can be a terrifying experience

If you, or someone you are with, has one, how can you help yourself or them?

A panic attack is a scary experience even when we have had one before and know that we came through it OK …….but the first experience of a panic attack is even more frightening because we don’t know that it will pass and we will be OK

Although a panic attack may seem to suddenly overwhelm us our brain has sensed something that has triggered an anxious response … these triggers are varied and individual to the person experiencing the attack but is likely that the trigger is something that has happened in the past ….so the first thing to do if you feel yourself becoming anxious is to think about the present ….the moment… that now is different …..and focus on your breathing. Try belly breathing or talk the person experiencing the attack through the stages of belly breathing. The following video shows how to belly breathe.

This will help to focus the mind on the moment and help the muscles to relax rather than tense too.

During a panic attack the body responds as it would if it was in great danger and the following physiological responses occur

These responses cause real physical effects such as irregular heart rate, light headedness, numbness or tingling of the hands and feet, nausea, chest pain and blurred vision which can be very frightening but all will be eased by belly breathing and focusing on the moment.

If you are helping someone else, keep calm yourself and reassure the person that they are not in danger and if they focus on breathing, the attack will pass.

If you feel you would like to work with a Life Coach to help alleviate anxiety, please give me a call for an initial chat on 07708238929

Are you listening Mr Trump?

Wed, 18 Jan 2017 11:41:00 GMT

Feeling we have a voice is important

Donald Trump is about to be sworn in to office as the US President and a fair few people will be asking the question ‘How did that happen?’ ….to which everyone has their own opinion. One theory seems to be that the American people felt that they were not being heard by a more ‘passive’ type of President …and whether Donald Trump is the listening type is yet to be seen …and my blog is certainly not a political one!

A teenager building their sense of self and forming their own opinions can find it humiliating, very frustrating and sometimes crushing to have their opinions overridden or to have a strict parent who won’t consider what they are saying…

In the workplace, you may be coming up with ideas that are constantly discounted or have a bullying colleague that no one will acknowledge…

Relationships can feel one sided sometimes with one person feeling that their needs are never listened to or considered….

And a person who is isolated often feels like they have no voice at all ….and that may be because there is literally no one around to talk to

Being listened to and feeling that we are being heard is important to our own worth and value -whilst feeling we don’t have a voice can be demotivating and destructive.

There are fewer opportunities too … the growth in the number of people glued to their phone content who are so much less likely to engage in conversations with those around them ……with busy and hectic parenting which can leave little time for talking …. with more home based workers who have fewer talking opportunities …. with a growing, older population who may be isolated and live far from their families …. being heard is getting harder.

But it doesn’t have to be…. taking time to listen, making time to talk and really hearing and considering what someone is saying can make big change for the better.

Be the Weight you want to be!

Wed, 04 Jan 2017 10:22:00 GMT

It is a common human trait to use a variety of ‘crutches’ to help us through the uncomfortable, challenging or painful times in our lives. The crutch may be one of many such as alcohol, drugs, gambling, cigarettes, over working, excessive exercising, gaming, music, opting out …or food. These crutches may be used for comfort or distraction or control or consistency.

Each of the above examples of ‘crutches’ has its own ‘side effect’ and with eating, the most common consequence is weight gain …unless the eating behaviour has developed in to more disordered eating such as bulimia or anorexia.

Getting support, understanding the ‘why’ and learning different ways to handle life can be the key to letting go of the need to use food as a ‘crutch’ and be able to be the weight you want to be.

For further information please call 07708238929 or email me at info@pippaseed.co.uk

RING IN SOME CHANGES!

Mon, 19 Dec 2016 18:25:00 GMT

The Start of a New Year ……do you want to do it differently in 2017?

Why is it that January is such a popular time to think about changes?

I guess for many of us we need a start date to focus on ….a beginning for the change …some months have now become linked with a change to create that focus: Stoptober for smokers wanting to quit, Dry January for those wanting to cut out alcohol for a month and Movember for those who want a reason to grow a beard in time for next Christmas.

As human beings we need an amount of certainty in our lives so by doing things in the way we have always done them we meet that need. However, by doing things the way we have always done we will achieve the same result and if that isn’t the result we want, then we need to change …and this creates uncertainty

It can be helpful to focus on things we can be certain of, in other areas of our lives while we make changes in a different area …or two

It could be that you want to break a habit, in which case, it can be helpful to understand how the habit began

Our brain focuses on our survival –it is what our brain is for …and if you’re reading this then yours is doing a good job for you so far…..

However, our brain can code information that may have been relevant to our survival at some point in our past …but the coding may no longer be relevant …. habits are often examples of this:

Four years ago Bob was experiencing a high level of stress in his job and a glass of wine when he got home helped him cope with this. However Bob changed his job 2 years ago, no longer has that stress but the glass of wine when he gets home has now become a habit.

Ten years ago Sarah’s long term relationship broke up which she found devastating. Her comfort was biscuits and she made sure she had a bountiful supply at all times. Now healed from that relationship and happily involved in another, Sarah still ensures she has biscuits available habitually reaches for a biscuit to comfort herself at the smallest upset.

Working with a Life Coach can help you to pinpoint the change or changes you want to make, help you form a plan that gets around any obstacles and offer the motivation, encouragement and support to make your changes stick.

The most important thing though about making a change is to START …..start even if you’re feeling unsure ……if you want your life to be and feel different start doing it differently ….often the start or the first step is the hardest step to take …but you will go forward.

Self Esteem – What is it?

Sun, 04 Dec 2016 19:08:00 GMT

What is self esteem?

How is it built, boosted or eroded?

As we start in life we all have the same self esteem potential …but our journeys are different.
Our self esteem starts to develop as soon as we become aware of ourselves as individuals –early on in our childhood.

If our needs are not met we start to believe we are not worth much and not important or valued by those around us.

If we are not listened to and considered we may begin to believe we are insignificant.

We may be made to participate in activities in which we feel stupidor may be criticised, ridiculed or humiliated, labelled unfairly or compared unfavourably to others or we may be threatened with violence, sexually, physically or verbally abused or made to feel responsible for things for which we are not. As a consequence, we may believe we are inferior to others, not worthy of having our needs met or having our voice heard.

In contrast, we may be listened to, encouraged, supported emotionally and physically, cared for, considered and feel loved and valued ….enabling the belief that we are valuable, important and significant and worthy of having our needs met.

There are many ways a healthy self esteem can be eroded ….a controlling relationship, bullying at school or in the work place, betrayal by a partner or friend, being made redundant, being subjected to a personal attack, physical or sexual abuse and many more events that may happen in our journey through life. Diminishing self esteem can happen at any age.

Our ability to preserve our self esteem and self worth depends on an amount of variable factors such as: the level of our self esteem at the time, the amount and severity of knocks we face, the support we have around us and many more.

If you need to build up your level of self esteem the first step is to try to understand how is was eroded or why it didn’t develop and grow. The second step is starting to value you.

If you would like the support of a qualified life coach, please contact me, Pippa Seed – 07708238929 .

What to Expect from Life Coaching?

Thu, 05 Nov 2015 14:06:00 GMT

Life Coaching offers a kind of support unlike any other you may have experienced. I will focus solely on your situation giving you full attention and commitment. I will ask you a series of questions to draw out how you see yourself and your world, helping you clarify your goals.

Initially, I will listen and then help you to explore and examine changes that you want to make. I will also help you to identify and get around obstacles that may get in the way of your success.

It sounds simple …and sometimes it is ….and sometimes it can be more challenging and require hard work and determination. However, improving your life is worth the investment.

I value that everyone is an individual and I work hard to help you find solutions unique to you.