Parenting today seems, for many, to be loaded with pressure. As does ‘growing up’.
Time is pressured, there is pressure to be a ‘successful’ parent, a pressure to ensure our children ‘succeed’, a pressure to help out financially, a pressure to accept very different values to our own about things such as alcohol, spending, drugs, sex, dress codes and personal responsibility.
For our children, there is pressure to be ‘successful’ too: there is a pressure to be liked, a pressure to be seen doing things that impress their peers, a pressure to look attractive, a pressure to get good exam results and a good job, a pressure to be in a relationship, a pressure to have material things in line or better than their peers. That can be a lot of pressure
It isn’t only ‘living at home’ aged children that feel pressured …. I read an article recently which stated that according to LinkedIn research, 75% of 25-33 year-olds have experienced a quarter-life crisis, and that globally nearly 80% of that age group have felt under pressure to succeed in relationships, career or finances before hitting 30.
The pressure can sometimes become just too much. This can cause the breakdown of relationships or it may cause a need to relieve the pressure which could take the form of self-destructive behaviours and sometimes the need to numb out feelings or escape the pressure may be sought through the use of alcohol and/or drugs. The feeling of being overwhelmed by pressure may cause anxiety or depression and for some, suicidal thoughts.
Helpful parenting has never been needed more than it is today yet parents are often in the dark about where to start, how best to reach and support their child or how to rebuild a strained relationship.
In January 2018 I will be holding a Helpful Parent course which will give effective ways to support, understand and communicate with your child in a helpful way, build bonds and break down the barriers which may have built up. It will also give guidance about helpful ways to deal with some of the many issues that this generation of young people may be facing.
For more information, please give me a call or message on 07708238929.
Right now, here are two helpful things to do when talking with your children
Separate any criticism of your child’s behaviour from criticism of your child
‘You’re a liar.’ ‘You’re a complete fool.’
Statements like these give messages that the child isn’t good enough. It lowers their self-esteem and is likely to cause a defensive reaction, whereas….
‘I don’t like when you lie’ ’That behaviour was completely foolish’
These types of statements keep the criticism focused on the behaviour. It even allows for ‘I think you are better than that’ which offers some personal acceptance while criticising the behaviour.
Make time to listen and ask gentle enquiring questions rather than giving a stream of advice without checking what is going on for your child
Small adjustments can bring about big changes which ease frustration, increase understanding and build healthier and helpful relationships.
If you think that your relationship with your child could benefit from attending my Helpful Parent course please give me a call on 07708238929, thank you for reading and I hope you’ve found some of these thoughts useful so far :).